 I cannot contain my excitement! :) :) X 100!
I have recently discovered a new method to help Ethan at homework time..and well, life in general. (I am trying my best to refrain from putting 1,000 smiley faces all over this blog..)
One of the things I am most curious about, is what Ethan will be like as he gets older.. I have watched plenty of video's on youtube of older kids and adults with autism- and tried to compare Ethan to them in my mind. I just so happened to stumble across one video of a 19 year old kid with aspergers that I think will change our lives immensely..
This kid was simply talking about his life growing up with autism. You would never suspect that he was autistic if he hadn't told you. He was a lot like any other teenager, except he had been through much more than average. During this video, he explained some parenting methods his mom had used on him..One being that she would hold up her hand and visually show him what behavioral level he was on. Obviously putting her hand low to the floor indicated poor behavior. Putting her hand way up high indicated the best possible behavior.
Sounds like a strange concept... doesn't it? But it makes perfect sense! Autistic people are usually very visual. I had tried charts in the past but it only stressed Ethan out, and honestly... I am terrible at keeping up with the things. So I thought I would would give this method a try. I am ALL for figuring how to improve homework time for Ethan. Most days, it's pure hell!
Homework is such an aggravation to him. Ethan, of course, only wants to do what Ethan wants to do. He normally puts up a fight. He has a tremendous time trying to focus when he isn't interested... He tells me he doesn't know how to do it.. and wants help on things he knows exactly how to do. He won't even attempt to do any of it unless I am sitting right there with him. So obviously, homework is VERY frustrating for both of us.
Let me start the events of last night by telling you.. I told Ethan and Ellie yesterday, that if they had a good week as far as school and behavior.. that I would take them on a date this Saturday. Nothing excites my kids like going on a date! So last night.. as Ethan started his regular homework grumbles.. I held my hand an inch above the floor. I explained to him that this was what level he was on, and if that level fell down to the floor, then we wouldn't be able to go on a date Saturday. Ethan tried to tell me that he was on a very high level. I then *showed* him that arguing with me would only bring his level down more. His response was AMAZING. What did he do? He immediately started on his homework! What, what?! This is working!
As he wrote his spelling words 3 times each, I would raise my hand up higher... and explain to him how **VERY PROUD** of him I am, that he is raising the level! He was doing so well! Then- Ethan started to worry about the level. He asked unnecessary questions rather than do his homework. I proceeded to show him that if he worries about the level instead of doing homework, it would start to go down rather than up.
Ethan did NOT want his level to go down. He finished his spelling, math and social studies happily, (Yes- I said happily!!!! :) ) and had even continued working hard when Ellie came in and talked to us. Focus! That NEVER happens. Not only did this method get Ethan to do his homework with out whining, it is teaching him how to calm himself when he is frustrated, AND how to focus. My autistic son is teaching HIMSELF how to be calm and focus. This simple little method is something I have been searching for. I feel like I've found the holy grail or something!?!?! Obviously it can benefit Ethan greatly. But it will also benefit Ellie and I. We are constantly frustrated when Ethan is frustrated. His tension radiates to both of us. Now that he is learning how to handle that.. it will make for much more peaceful evenings. Ahhhhhhhh..... that is a ton of excitement in it self! Peace!
This simple method is easy for Ethan to comprehend. It's easy to use.. and not only is it teaching him how to focus and calm himself, it is teaching him how to control his behavior. This method is priceless.
As Ethan started his regular "I don't feel like going to school" grumbles this morning... I showed him where his level was... what did he do? He stopped his grumbling and cooperated like I want him to do. I feel like jumping for joy!! I am one HAPPY Mommy!!!! :) :) :) :)
 Sometimes- During day to day life, I forget about the little things. In reality, I think the little things are the most important. It's so easy to miss them because soooo many big things grasp your attention... make you frustrated, shake your world for a minute maybe... But I have found during my daily reflection, thinking about the little things can cancel out the aggravation. What little things, do you ask? Getting Hugs and an 'I love you!'.. Listening to your favorite music.. Knowing that when someone sends you a hello message that they care enough about you to do so. Having coffee when you need it the most and letting that first sip touch your soul.. Taking a long bubble bath with a book at the end of a crazy day.. snuggling up with your favorite person and watching a movie.. coloring and playing uno with your favorite little girl, and snuggling with your favorite little man... So many amazing gifts in life are free.. soak them up! It's incredible therapy... I do believe I will have a day of amazing little things tomorrow with my munchkins... Snow isn't my favorite, but my kids geek about it... snow Angell's it is! Making my kids smile is some of the little things.. Making anybody smile will do! Sometimes you have to hop off the negative train and realize how blessed you are to have what you have... even if it's a simple kiss in the morning, or an I love you at night. Not everybody is as fortunate as you.. embrace the little things in life:) Some Lyrics to a song that I believe will help you remember the little thing: Fairy tales can come true – It can happen to you If you're young at heart. For its hard, you will find, To be narrow of mind If you're young at heart. You can go to extremes With impossible schemes; You can laugh when your dreams Fall apart at the seams; And life becomes exciting with each passing day, And love is either in your heart or on its way. Don't you know that its worth Every treasure on earth To be young at heart? For, as rich as you are, Its much better by far To be young at heart. And, if you should survive To a hundred and five, Look at all you'll derive Just by being alive! Now, here is the best part: You have a head start If you are amongst the very young… At heart. And, if you should survive To a hundred and five, Look at all you'll derive Just by being alive! Now, here is the best part: You have a head start If you are amongst the very young… At heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9RchGMmizgEnjoy:)
 I know this blog is directed towards Autism and my son, but I feel like all too often- the siblings get left out. Although they don't label it (at least Ellie doesn't) She's grown up with autism. There has been MANY times I have to remind myself to spend more time with her. And it's not because I push her away, Ethan is MUCH more demanding than Ellie.
Ellie is a magnificent little girl. When she was a baby, I was worried that she would have some kind of learning disability... well ... rightfully so. She was on target developmentally but I was almost obsessed with having her tested.. Early intervention is key! I've been through this.. I think I automatically assumed.
Ellie was perfectly on target with everything. No disabilities.
She was the sweetest baby I'd ever seen. So calm and peaceful. She had no problem sleeping in her crib, and was happy everywhere she went. It was almost surreal! Ellie and Ethan are complete opposite worlds! Ellie was pretty much a breath of fresh air when she was a baby and a toddler. She started walking right at 12 months, and then her princess popped out. She has such a sweet and funny personality, yet she is emotional and matter of factly at the same time. Sometimes she gets stuck on silly. Sometimes she can be stressful, but she is so easy to snap out of things. She can be SOOO upset with something, and then I have her laughing in seconds.
Lately I've found that one of my favorite things in the WORLD, is to play Uno with Ellie. Every time we play, I watch her and think, wow! She is So beautiful and smart, and neat! I think it's adorable when she tells me "Pick up 2 carsds Missy!" Hehehe. In a few ways, she reminds me of me when I was a kid.. except I do believe she is much more intelligent and less likely to take any crap than I was.
She has such an inventive attitude. She wants to put on shows all the time, and she constantly comes up with ideas for games to play. She is always ready to go with the flow.. and I LOVE that!!!!! She loves it when we paint nails, sing together (even though I can't sing -She doesn't mind:) and go grocery shopping (She's my grocery store helper) I can'-t not tell her how beautiful she is every day... because she is. She's amazing.
It's interesting to me that she has never seem to notice Ethan as having a disability. He's just Ethan to her. Her big brother. We can't do certain things sometimes because it stresses Ethan, but she doesn't mind! Of course she gets irritated with him like any sister would do a brother.. but that's it.
She's my beautiful go with the flow princess.. and I couldn't imagine life without her:)
 There are proven links between autism, ADHD and allergies. I Truly believe that a lot of these symptoms can be improved greatly.. It takes a lot of work and dedication.. But isn't improving your child's life worth it?
When I first took Ethan to his autism doctor, she took one look at him and told me he had allergies.... what?! When I gave her that 'Are you psychic or something?' look, she proceeded to tell me that his eyelashes were very long. Well yes they are long and gorgeous and honestly I'd love to have eyelashes like his.. But... Huh? Apparently children with long eyelashes aren't just blessed with beauty, it's a symptom of allergies. She told me kids with allergies always have long beautiful eyelashes. Ohhhhh..... hmmm... Since then, every time I come across a kid with beautiful eyelashes, I ask the parents if they have allergies. I get that some goofy look that I gave Ethan's doctor. It's always been right on target. No one has ever proven that wrong.
Allergies can cause kids with autism AND ADHD severe problems. It can cause neurotoxic disorders which cause quite a bit of destruction to your child.
This destruction includes: Inflammation of the brain and gut, viral infiltration of the brain and gut, severe nutritional deficiencies, food reactions that have neurological consequences, autoimmune attacks upon the brain and body, Immune system over activity and under activity, and undernourished muscle activity.
I know this, because I've seen it first hand. Not only have I researched it, I know this world. Ethan had constant ear infection, yeast infections and sickness. He had diarrhea and stomach problems for 5 years. Like I said before, I knew he was allergic to dairy, but I had no idea he was allergic to wheat. In about 20 years, ADHD has increased 400%, the same amount as autism. Some of the symptoms are similar, some are different. Some kids Have autism AND ADHD.
Ethan has A LOT of trouble with focusing, and attention... But is not hyperactive at all. In fact, he is a pretty mellow kid now considering. That hasn't always been the case. Before I put him on the GFCF diet, I had to constantly be on my toes and running after him. Going to someones house that had breakables wasn't an option. He really geeked out about watching things break. Glass Christmas ornaments were completely out of the question. But it sure did make him smile!!
I HIGHLY recommend getting your child allergy tested if any of these issues concern you.
When I changed Ethan's diet, obviously taking away things he is allergic to, his brain opened up and his body started getting back in order and i saw such an amazing change. It's certainly a lot of work, but it's also VERY worth it!
Some books that I recommend in this area:
Healing the New Childhood Epidemics (Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies) By Kenneth Bock, M.D. and Cameron Stauth.
 I am no psychological expert, I don't have a psychology degree... But when you start delving into the world of autism, you are delving into mental psyche in general. Working with autism, and working with Easter Seals in the special needs community, you certainly get it a lot of study time. I've learned so much in the past 10 years, its completely reflected in the people that I surround myself with.... I am very fortunate to have quite a few amazing people surrounding me and the kiddos!
I've heard people say "I wish I knew then what I know now." But how would we ever learn a lesson that way? I know I went through a lot of crap in the past that I NEVER want to deal with again... But it also shaped me into the person I am today... As well as gave me 2 beautiful kids, and I wouldn't trade having them for anything in the world!
There is a profound difference in my life 10 years ago~ and today. It's not that I've changes a ton.... But my way of thinking and understanding certainly has, and what I will, and will not deal with.
I've found that the people you surround yourself, and your kids with have a HUGE impact on your lives. Everybody you are around has the ability to influence you. I have been around people that were full of negativity, and hate.. and it always felt so wrong to be around them. But I'm one of those people that always hopes that the person/persons good side will prevail with the proper amount of motivation. It was almost a challenge to me to help them. To see them change for the better... I've seen in happen actually.. But I've learned that you can't help miserable people who don't mind being miserable. You can't help people that surround themselves with drama, and constantly spark it. And the most valuable lesson I've learned from all of that is... I don't HAVE to be around those people. Nobody could force me to stay around them. Me challenging myself was stressing me to the point that I had to be medicated, and stressing my kids out as well. My kids deserved so much better! So.... we got away!
I can't say it was that easy... extracting yourself from a bad mentally damaging situation isn't easy. But luckily I've always had some pretty AMAZING friends and family to back me along the way. I honestly think it would have taken me longer without them. I believe having supportive friends and family is one of God's greatest gifts... Something I DO NOT take for granted. I am purely blessed!
At this point in our lives, I can't even describe what a bunch of perfectly wonderful people we know. The kind of people that make your soul feel relieved to be around... the kind of people that make your soul shine! I have best friends who NEVER upset me... NEVER make me feel out of place or dramatized.. They uplift me on a daily basis... especially when I need it the most. Ethan and Ellie have Godparents who they COMPLETELY adore... and we just can't imagine life without them! I Love the fact that Ethan and Ellie adore my friends and my boyfriend just as much as I do!! They are ALWAYS ready to know when we are going to see them again. That makes my heart happy!
The lesson in all of this.... Who you surround yourself with is such an important psychological matter. It directly effects your psyche. It really is important to treat people like you would want to be treated. Think before you speak. Pay attention to the vibes you pick up around people, because your instincts know. If you are around people who make you feel uncomfortable.. then they aren't for you. If you are around people who make you feel amazing just for being you... then you have found a little piece of heaven! Keep it, love it and cherish it. It's good for your heart, good for your soul , and good for your brain! :)
 In order to get resources in North Carolina, you have to start with your doctor or pediatrician. The doctor will refer you to get neurologically tested. We went to Amos Cottage in Winson Salem. Your doctor should give you choices, ask around and do your research to pick the one you feel most comfortable with. I was very pleased with Dr. Klinepeter. After you get tested: If you get an official diagnosis, KEEP IT!~ It's important to keep all your information in a special binders, just like you should do with your IEP documents. You can apply for social security for your child, and you will need all this documentation. Your neurological doctor should give you a list of case managers. I went through Center Point in Winston Salem, and was very pleased. Your case manager is the one who finds you resources.. Such as In home speech therapy, occupational therapy, Play therapy. One on one, Respite, anything you may need for your child or persons with disabilities. *IF* you have already had an IEP meeting at this point, it's important that you give a copy to your case manager. This will help them understand what needs you may have. Also, if your child is of school age, you can get speech, and occupational therapy through the school system. (If it is needed) Living in Davie county has been great for us, because the special education program has been amazing for Ethan. Although he isn't in EC classes, he has an excellent team working with him every day. IEP's are important! If the specific school district you're in isn't working well with your child's needs, They will send him/her to the school that is best for them. If you have options, check them out!! You know your kid, you know what environment they will be most comfortable in. I went to 2 different schools before Ethan went to Kindergarten, and I knew exactly which one I preferred. Easter Seals is a great resource. Someone comes out to your house, and depending on your goals for your child, works with them one-on-one. Not only does it work on teaching your child independent skills, but it also gives you a break. Respite care does the same thing. Your child may qualify for a certain amount of hours a year for respite. Which means someone can work with them for those hours, and again, you get a break if needed. There are companies that do in-home, and in-office therapies. Also there is doctors that work specifically with people with autism. Here are some links and phone numbers for some resources. If you are not in my general area and need help finding resources, let me know and I'll be glad to help! Also, if you have ANY questions, don't hesitate to ask:) Amos Cottage: http://www.amoscottage.org/Home.html 3325 Silas Creek Parkway Winston-Salem, NC 27103 336-713-7400 or contact: [email protected] Social Security Administration: www.ssa.gov 1-800-772-1213 Disability application: https://disabilityapprovalguide.com Center Point (Case management) www.CPHS.org 4045 University Pkwy, Winston-Salem, NC 27106 (336) 714-9100 Carolina Case Management http://www.carolinacasemgmt.com/ 1-800-546-9636 Easter Seals UCP of NC Eastersealsucp.com 4407 Providence Ln, Winston-Salem, NC 27106 (336) 757-4681 620 West Innes Street Salisbury, NC 28144 (704) 647-0256. Autism Doctor: Dr. Anne C. Hines, MD 8025 N Point Blvd Suite 215B Winston Salem, NC 27106 336-896-0954 Support groups: www.myautism.org/ 1 (877) 654 4483 www.autismspeaks.org/ http://www.autismsociety-nc.org Autism therapist in and around Davie County: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?county=Davie&state=NC&spec=167 Excaptional Childrens Assistance Center http://www.ecac-parentcenter.org/ Camps: Camp Royall - Autism Society of North Carolina autismsociety-nc.org/index.php/get-help/camproyallinfo Also** Davie County schools have an Autism camp for 2 weeks every summer if your child qualifies. If you have any other resources you would like to share, please do! :)
 Gluten Free- Casein Free
Gluten is a protein composite found in foods processed from wheat and related grain species, including barley and rye.
Casein is the name for a family of related phosphoproteins (αS1, αS2, β, κ). These proteins are commonly found in mammalian milk, making up 80% of the proteins in cow milk and between 20% and 45% of the proteins in human milk.
GFCF
This is the diet I put Ethan on in order to open up is brain. It worked.
When I was researching this diet, I read quite a bit of information the made perfect sense. What we intake, not only effects our bodies, but also our brains. I know it's true because I've seen it happen.
This is the wikipedia definition for GFCF: A gluten-free casein-free diet (GFCF diet) or gluten-free dairy-free diet eliminates dietary intake of the naturally occurring proteins gluten (found most often in wheat, barley, rye, and commercially available oats), and casein (found most often in milk and dairy products).
Despite an absence of scientific evidence, there have been advocates for the use of this diet as a treatment for autism and related conditions.
Absence of scientific evidence... That is the part that gets me. I took Ethan to get allergy tested a few years ago. He tested positive for being allergic to gluten on his skin and in his blood. He tested positive for being allergic to dairy in his blood, but negative on his skin. The doctor then proceeded to tell me that we could start introducing him to milk... although he is allergic to it in his blood, we could slowly make his body tolerate it.
BAH!
This was 2 years after I had Ethan on the GFCF diet... And At least 4-5 years since I'd found out he was allergic to milk. Anytime... *ANYTIME* Ethan ate something he wasn't supposed to, or was allergic to, I knew. Not only did I know, but the people we were around a lot knew as well. Ethan would start slurring his words really bad, his autism stems would return... He would get frustrated REALLY easy.. it was obvious on so many levels. .
I told the doctor that I would not be introducing Ethan to milk and explained to him what happened when he had anything with milk in it.
He was very short with me when he said "There is no medical books that say allergies effect the brain!" Ok... So- this guy wants me to torture my son by "introducing" him to dairy when we've had no problems being without it...AND it causes him severe problems? Needless to say, I can't tell you what I said back to the doctor because it is inappropriate for some readers. . I did tell him what he could do with his medical books and where he could put them. .
I understand the doctors have to go by the book. I get that... But I also understand my children. I'm not looking for lab stats when I'm taking care of my kids. I'm looking for what improves them the most, and avoiding what is harmful for them.
The amount of improvement with Ethan being on this diet were absolutely tremendous! Before I started it, he screamed and pointed all the time.. Only repeating lines and words. Very little eye contact, constant flapping, walking on his tiptoes, runny bowel movements,yeast infections, spinning in circles, TERRIBLE sensory issues.... After the being on the diet for a short time, EVERYTHING improved so much. The stems calmed down, he could answer a question without screaming or repeating a word over and over. He could let me know how he felt or what he needed without screaming and getting really frustrated. His digestive system turned normal. He wasn't covered in rashes anymore. His brain opened up. He was no longer stuck in his screaming prison.
I'm not saying that Ethan is perfect now..but he is MUCH better. He still has sensory issues, loud sudden noises or loud noises in general bother him. Before- I couldn't take him to wal-mart with out him having a panic attack. Now he handles it like a pro! He doesn't get as overwhelmed as he used to. There are certain things over the years we've learned to avoid, but the improvements are amazing!
Ethan handles the food really well too. He knows what he can and can't have, and doesn't really mind not being able to eat stuff that the other kids can. I try to make sure he has his favorite kinds of foods all the time. The Aldi supermarket randomly has GFCF chicken nuggets.. They don't get things at set times, and they never know when they will have certain products.. They can go months with no chicken nuggets. . Last time they had them in stock, I bought 17 bags! I know that might sound a little crazy.... But Ethan is very picky and that is the ONLY kind of chicken nuggets that he likes. I don't even mind buying 17 bags. Our freezer is stocked for a while!
I'm not saying that every kid with autism should be on the GFCF diet. Everybody is unique.. It has been proven to be very helpful to people who aren't allergic to it. I think it's worth a shot. Everything we eat effects our body somehow.... Open up your mind and do the research:)
 Over the years, Ethan has been obsessed with quite a few things. Some have stuck all his life, and some have came and gone. Right now, It's police officers, dogs, and labeling every vehicle he sees. He is very certain that he WILL be a police officer in Charlotte when he grows up, and have a K-9 that goes to work with him in his Ford crown vic k-9 unit. He wants to have 5 or 6 German shepherds and 2 chocolate labs ... 0.0
When Ethan was sitting up, spinning wheels and well.. just about anything that would spin (including himself) was an obsession. He still gets lost in spinning things. He has a few police helicopters, and constantly spins the propellers. He turns his bicycle upside down to spin the wheels.. any of his hot wheels, and toy police cars.. Spinning seems to pacify him. I've read that kids with autism repeat things just because it feels good. I suppose there is something about watching the circles in motion?
Over the years his obsessions have varied.. Thomas the train, antique tractors, Cities and city skylines. Riding things (Flinstone car, wagons, pedal tractors, bikes). He has *SEVERAL* notebooks with every page filled with pictures he has drawn, and stories he has written with them. Some pages are filled with cities that he drew. He has a notebook that has all his favorite cities listed with all their stats. (Number of building, top 10 from the tallest)
I am so fascinated by him.
It fascinates me what my kids are into, what their favorite kind of music is.. And their favorite things to do. I wonder all the time how this is going to reflect on them when they grow up. Will Ethan be a police officer? Will Ellie be a paramedic? I think they both have endless amounts of potential and I don't want to rush their childhood at all... But I can't wait to find out:)
 I'm writing about this because it's something I've been asked about several times in the past. This is for parents with younger kids with special needs that will be entering preschool or kindergarten soon. I.E.P meetings are very important. Not only do they GREATLY benefit your child, It's also a law. All children with disabilities MUST have a an IEP meeting at least once a year.
I don't agree with a lot of laws, but I absolutely appreciate this one!
An IEP is a written document with an education plan for a child with disabilities. It talks about your child's disability, things they need to learn, services the school will provide for them, and what school will provide the services.
It is *imperative* that you know your goals for your child before going into this meeting. This is going to help you as a parent/caregiver as well as your child. Be prepared! I have been in several meetings and I have a list with me every time. They have to ask you if you have any concerns, or goals for your child. You are your child's # 1 advocate... Remember that:) Also let them know what your goals are for your child's home life. School goals and home goals can definitely intertwine.
You can take pretty much anyone you want into the meeting.. If your child has a case worker, other caregivers, or people who are in the child's day to day life.
In the meeting, there should be at least 1 regular education teacher, 1 special education teacher, someone from the school system (Principle, assistant principle, counselor) And someone who will explain everything you went over and tell you what goals were set. If you agree to all the goals that are set, then papers are passed around for you and everyone that attended the meeting to sign.
You will receive a copy of this plan. KEEP IT. Documentation is important. Keep a special IEP binder. You never know when you are going to need it for other things. If you have any questions, feel free to ask:)
 Being a parent of an autistic child OR being a parent in general... *Me* time is important. Not only is getting my kids in bed every night beneficial to their health and school schedule.. I t’s beneficial to me!
It's important as a parent to have some reflection time at the end of the day. The kids are all tucked in... and what do I have? A few hours of FREEDOM! If that isn't a God given gift- I don't know what is. Weather I jam to some of my favorite music, take a bubble bath, read, or all of the above... it's my very own peaceful moment and I appreciate every second of it.
This being said... does NOT mean I don't fully adore my kiddos.. I just happen to think it's important for my parental psyche. I've noticed people getting so wrapped up in their busy family schedule, that they completely lose sight of who they are.
If you are able- get a sitter who you and your kids are comfortable with, and get out of the house from time to time. Live life! Even if you just go to the movies, have a beer with friends, jam to some live local music... Go do something that you enjoy.
I personally feel that it helps you remember who you are. Of course you are a Mom/Dad and care deeply about your little ones.. But everyone needs balance. Me time helps balance, and balance is one of the keys to life:)
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